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“So we got the check (he paid) and headed out to meet the Uber driver who was there, joint in hand, which he not only sold it to us, but ended up letting us take on a free ride.
We spent the next 20-30 minutes joy-riding in and around the Hollywood Hills hearing this guy’s life story about how he met his now-baby mama while driving for Uber.
“He then proceeded to tell me about the last time he was in an Uber and how he hit it off really well with his driver who let him in on his side business where he occasionally sells joints to customers.
He then proceeded to say that anytime he needed one he should take down his number and call him up.
I of course played it off like I had never seen the show so he didn't think I was a total fan girl, but after the drinks were flowing, I slipped up and called him by his character's name on accident. She turned and looked at me, lingered for a second, then suddenly turned and went to wind down the window. Turned forward and puked all over the wheel, the dash, herself, the radio and finally me. He was a doctor, seemingly good-looking, and appeared to have his shit together before the age of 30.
He suggested we meet at Father’s Office in Santa Monica for some dinner and drinks. We stopped at a light and it was quiet for a moment, almost romantic. People started on their horns, so we had to keep driving, covered in puke.” “We met on Bumble (my dating app of choice).
She sat there for a few minutes too long and looked quite frazzled.
I was half-tempted to go see if she was alright, but sat back and let her be until she got out of her car and approached my front gate.
Finally, we ended up going back to his friend's place, and one thing lead to another, which lead to us having a threesome with a C-list celebrity. While his profile didn't outright admit his married status, it did link to his Instagram account where the picture of his wife and him on their wedding day had warranted quite the impressive amount of likes.
Since I had about as much shame as Paris Hilton in the early 2000s, I swiped right and lucky me, we matched.